| It is so easy to get swept up and away with the pressures and demands of achieving a goal. It is equally as easy to be buried in the mundane tasks of day to day living that leads to an apathetic outlook on life. As I began to get lost in the administrative side of this project I forgot to do the things that led me here in the first place... meditation and time in my Wild Temple. It was very difficult to justify going out into the woods when I had so many short films to process, photos to sort, and stories that needed to unfold. Funding, financing and food were top priority - so phone calls, emails, and proposals were needed - not lallygagging in the woods. | Meditation of Peace: Forgiveness |
My tripod collapsed last week breaking the camera, a lens mysteriously broke on a separate occasion and the speakers on my computer blew (when there was no sound even being played). If it wasn't for all of the positively amazing things that have been happening I may be led to believe I am not supposed to be doing this project at all.
So I play Randy Pausch's Last Lecture (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo) over and over again in my head to reassure me I am on the right track. I am especially touched by his perspective on obstacles. He repeatedly states that "brick walls (or obstacles to reaching your goals) are put there to keep the 'other people' out." Some days I think they are doing such a fine job they may keep me out too. But then just when there is barely enough hope to light the way - something happens and the wall falls allowing us to travel a little further on this path.
After almost being brought to tears today when my computer went kaput, my friend Laura encouraged me to take my own advice - go connect in the Wild Temple. I was reluctant and resistant, until I remembered what Jake said as he gave me a tour of the Georgina Island Reserve... "My Elder tells me to give my offering of tobacco so I can stop focusing on what I don't have, and start focusing on all that I do have."
I put on my winter gear and headed out into the woods at -20C. I walked with a bit of a grudge - having to leave all my work behind. As I descended the steep hill into the valley, I became instantly aware of the effect this extreme cold was having on the trees. They moaned and cried as the bitter north wind pushed them around. With each creek I would crane my neck around and look... just to make sure one was not about to topple over on me. Earlier this winter a severe wind storm had felled several trees along the trail. I passed by one, which revealed a new creature - unearthed, displaced. I scrambled over the nearby log and felt compelled to return to the unearthed root system. In a very inelegant fashion I flopped back over the log and squatted in front of the creature. A kindred kind, I thought. Circumstance has changed the way he thought he would live - buried, safely hidden away. Now he sat there, unmovable and exposed. We sat happily grumpy together for some time. I told him about the conflict between finances and moving forward.
He gave me some great advice...
"It is my job to be here. Growing, providing a sanctuary for insects, fungus and all the creatures who depend on them. That is what I am compelled to do - I don't worry about when the rain will fall, or if there will be enough carbon dioxide in the air to breathe, or if my branches look good in the morning sun. I simply go about my life being a tree. And now I lay here, continuing to be a tree - my roots will explore the earth, new shoots will emerge, and my trunk will still support many of my branches. The worms compost. The bees pollinate. Each of us has a job and so long as we all do what we instinctively know to be our reason for being here - this complex system of the forest allows the woods to flourish. If you do not resist your calling to the Earth, then you will find the world has no choice but to support you fulfilling your job here. Besides, resisting only makes arriving at the same end much more difficult."
I stood up and continued on my way with a renewed sense of purpose. Beyond a hill, to the left of the trail I noticed a woman in a red wrap. She beckoned me over - I paused for a moment and considered leaving the trail. Then thought 'I dont have time to get lost in the woods today. I am on a schedule.' I ignored her and kept walking the worn path. I had this trail memorized... The bending trees, the rattling beech leaves, the dips and curves. My feet knew the way. My ears listened for the familiar sounds - the hushed sections by the hemlocks, and the whistling open spaces. I could anticipate with ease when the trail turned or climbed. I could feel her call to me again. I tried to ignore her, but she made a very rational point... "you wont get lost, you can follow your footprints in the snow back to the trail."
'Well,' I thought, 'I guess I could walk down the wash a little ways. Certainly I have 5 minutes to spare.' As I blazed a new trail in the untouched snow a titilating sense of adventure grew in me. "See there is nothing to be afraid of. If you always do things the same way, and always follow the same path - you will always end up in the same place, seeing the same things, and learning the same lessons. " She had me with that bit of wisdom. "You have to break free of your conditioned thought patterns to successfully make a change. And you cant do that always walking the same worn trail."
I was reminded of a conversation with a new acquaintance, Catherine - a brilliant play write... While discussing life as artists she turned and said to me "Artists need to be given permission to make mistakes. They need to be given the freedom to push the boundaries of creativity - even if it means failing, because that is how we discover and learn." Taking the risk of blazing a new trail, leaving the comfort and safety of the path I new, gave me the opportunity to see things in a new way. I was able to see trees, formations, and perspectives I would not have, had I stayed on the same path - leading to the same end. Here's the thing - I did end up in the same place - but it was how I got there that mattered.
We can choose to follow the well laid out route - because it is what everyone else is doing. Or we can choose follow our inner compass and be who we truly are. I think that is up to each individual to decide. I have learned that before we can make any reasonable gains in changing our perspective we need to find a peace with who we are. So I have posted a brief meditation to get you started...
Blessings on your Journey,
Tara